When I came to know that he is going to get married I was completely lost. I can't still digest it. I just felt lost from this world. I should have told him the truth but something says I can't. Now I suffer. I couldn't eat properly or sleep. the question 'What for are you still living?' lingers in my heart. The only thing that is making me live is my goal to be useful others. This soul is of no use to me let it bring happiness in those innocent faces of children and bring peace in the worn out hearts of the old.
I am still worried about him not because he is going away but he is marrying an American. I don't say it is wrong but most of such marriages broken. He should have chosen an Indian. Other wise I am scared that it would end up in a traditional clash. Hope he leads a happy and peaceful life.
the strangest thing is that God has shown His enormous grace on me. For years i have been loving him. I am literally mad about him. Everthing I do reminds him. Evertime I question why him he seems more supreme. Every act he does makes me respect him more. Even after this news I have enormous respect for him. You know why I said God has grace on me? Its because he has seen her just a month ago and decided to marry her. And my love for him remains shattered. This shows some poor beings like me will have to suffer and its their fate. I just want to ask God why He neglected me.
Actually this is not the way I wanted to be. Why did i become so weak. Even i can't write this blog. I am not able to come out of this. Why am I questioning God? Is it my fault or is it Love's?